The Working Barbarian

A Tale of Blood, Fire and Steel

Archive for the category “Results”

I have Magebane for you on Line 1

The greater good is a tricky thing. It so often requires you to do something morally or ethically grey, perhaps even something a little bit evil. Other times it could just require you to do something that you’d really rather not. The greater good asks for a special kind of selflessness that is not often found in ordinary people in ordinary situations. It always asks for something extra-ordinary. Because it isn’t supposed to be easy to make the hard choices and to put aside you own selfish wants and desires. so despite the obvious temptations to reach out to the spirit of Freya, the girl who she failed and lost, Jala is reaching out to the spirit of Magebane. What secrets will the tyrant’s spirit yield?

28 - Hall of the Listeners

Will Magebane give up her secrets easily? Even in death she could prove to be stubborn. Or will she spill the metaphorical beans and reveal the darkest secrets of her master The Whelpslayer? These are questions which shall be answered in the fullness of time, when we return on Monday August 18th (baring accident, incident or marauding dragons) for the next instalment of our tale. Part 29 shall come from my own fevered and addled mind. A nightmarish hellscape of word and song, devoid of reason and logic and riven with an all-consuming doubt.

Stay tuned, we shall see what this week does yet hold…


How About No?

There’s something about Necromancers that makes people uneasy. Hanging out with dead people all the time marks you in some way. It makes you a little bit unearthly, different, other. From a certain perspective this has its advantages. It gives the necromancer an aura of aloofness and mystery that is a very desirable, some might even call it a business asset. It does however make it very hard to get people to trust you. Especially if you’re trying to get something big out of them. Say for example, the rights to their still warm corpse. Which is going to be a bit of a stretch at the best of times.

27 - Secrets of the Heldrakai

Jala has decided that she doesn’t particularly like the proposal put forward by Master Wojji, which I suppose is entirely understandable. Bodily autonomy is kind of a big deal. Even when you’re dead. This does mean that she’s going to have to find some other method of payment or leave empty-handed.

Exactly how this all pans out will be the decision of Sam Kurd: adventure, dreamweaver, visionary (plus writer.) We’ll be entering the world of his imagination as he takes us on a majestic odyssey of fiction and wonder. Which is more impressive than the brief he was originally given. (Which read “Oi, you! Write something.)

The next chapter in our ongoing tale will arrive on Monday the 4th of August.

An Unexpected Turn of Events

“Man plans, God laughs.” – Yiddish Proverb

Jala had set out from the City of Stars to find the Heldrakai Necromancers of the Ghormish Barrens. She joined a caravan and set out across the desert. What could possibly go wrong? How hard could it be? Well as it turns out, quite a bit can go wrong. As Jala discovered when she found herself surrounded by an undead horde in the ever-smoking ruins of a dead city. I suppose you could call this an occupational hazard of sorts.

25 - Sandworms, bloody sandworms

The wise voices of the faceless sages of the internal-webs have counselled Jala that it might not be entirely the best idea to go all sword crazy. There are some schools of thought as to why this might be:

a) How exactly can you kill something that is already dead?

b) These cryptic a-holes are the guys that you were going to ask for help so it might not be the best idea to piss them off.

Either way, Jala has laid down her sword and places her fate into the hands of the mysterious Heldrakai.

Next week as opposed to another instalment in out ongoing saga there will be a quit recap as to what’s happened over the last couple of months. Much like we did at the start of April we at Barbarian Towers want to make sure that everyone can catch-up or have their memories refreshed before we once again plunge head-long into adventure.

Walk Without Rhythm

There was once a wise man named of Slim of the Clan Fatboy. As was the custom of his people he dispensed his nuggets of wisdom though song and verse, adding to the rich oral tradition of his culture. Perhaps the most well known of his wisdoms is the Lay of the Choice Weapon, which was popularised for our modern age with the assistance of He That is Walken. In this piece we are told that “walk without rhythm, and it won’t attract the worm.” In the desert it is advice well heeded, for to ignore it invites peril and ruin. Be warned friends.

24 - Sand and Camels

But should you be fool enough to ignore these words then like as not you will be forced to confront the denizens of the depths of the sand wastes, and they are not known for their friendly and welcoming manner. As Jala must now discover herself.

Our next thrilling instalment will arrive on Monday 23rd of June. Our next chunk of high adventure will see the return of Ali, she will utilise the forgotten powers of dark and ancient witcheries to weave a tale that will strike at you very soul! But not in a threatening and killy sort of way. That’d be just plain rude.

No Comment

Last week Jala was approached by a member of the popular media with an offer of an interview, of potential stardom and fame, to have her name on the lips of every citizen of Stellastelathororn and beyond. But Jala is from the far and distant frozen north. A place where the media is non-existent and news is generally communicated by shouting at someone on the other side of the valley. So it is not entirely surprising that Jala is having none of it.

23 - Cooler Heads Prevail

Our next instalment will arrive on Monday the 2nd if June. It will come courtesy of Nel Taylor. She is a figure now less shrouded in mystery, less of an unknown quantity. Nel returns as a guest author to bring us more tales of derring-do and fantasy shenanigans.

Forewarned is Forearmed

“Know your enemy.” It is a saying as old as the hills, assuming we’re talking about some hills in an area of high geological instability. (Seriously, hills are surprisingly old.) After all, how can you defeat that which you do not understand? You need to know how your enemy thinks, you need to be able to know how they’ll act, how they’ll respond, what they’ll do. Then, and only then, can you attack their weak point for massive damage. It is a fact known to all followers of the art of war.

22 - Death DrivesAnd Jala is no feckless dilettante or weekend warrior. She’s made of tough stuff and know that a wise warrior arms herself with knowledge as well as steel. Whoever said “words will never hurt me” clearly wasn’t using them right. So Jala will seek out the dark knowledge of the Heldrakai Necromancers.

The next instalment of our adventure arrives on the 19th of May and comes from the pen of Sam Kurd. He knows things. Terrible things. We should probably kill him before it’s too late. That’s if it’s not too late already…

Magebane Must Die

And thus ends our two-part special. The climactic conclusion of Jala’s showdown with Magebane, the mysterious swordswoman who seems to be behind so much of the ill that is blighting the northern lands. But despite her prowess Magebane proved to be no match for the towering inferno of Jala’s rage. Now Magebane lies bloodied and broken on the floor of the great hall of Castle Solaris and entirely at Jala’s mercy. Judgement is coming, justice shall be meted out, an end will be made.

21 - Memories

Our next instalment will be unleashed into the wild and untamed lands of the internet on Monday the 5th of May. The next portion of our tale will spring forth from the mouth of James of Clayton, the Dreadest of all Dread Warlocks. From the untamed void he will use his dark eldritch magics to conjure forth words that will cut through your mind like a hot knife through butter. His telling will scar itself onto your very soul, marking you until the very end of your days.

This will be a lot more fun than it actually sounds. See you next Monday.

Prior Commitments

In the Old Time there were four virtues held above all others, virtues cardinal. They were Prudence, the art of appropriate action; Justice, a French electronic music duo the rendering of that which is right; Temperance, the practice of self-control; and Fortitude, endurance and the ability to confront fear. But the halcyon days of the Old Time are long since past and the virtues cardinal have fallen by the wayside. They have been supplanted by virtues social. Politeness, the art of not being a dick; Cleanliness, the rendering of yourself free from dirt, grime and offensive smells;  and Punctuality, the practice of damn well turning up when you say you will!

Fortitude remains, but these days it’s meaning is largely in the vein of “putting up with other people’s shit.” If anything this version is more noble.

18 - Drastic Acts and Delay No More

It has been decreed that Jala will keep her appointment with the clandestine and mysterious Guildmesiter, to his cryptic promise of help or perhaps information on the plight of her companion. Wherever this may lead her, it is quite clear that Jala’s patience is running dangerous close to empty. It can only be a matter of time before she decides to do something “drastic.”

Part 19 will be the final instalment of our tale for 2013. After this The Team will scatter to the four winds, heading back to their respective homelands to celebrate the coming of the solstice of winter, to make our sacrifices to ensure the return of the Day Star and the banishment of The Cold. The honour of penning Part 19 falls to I, Magus John the Steele, Rogue Verbumancer and Weaver of Words. I will conjurer forth a tale like no other and valiantly attempt to avoid the pitfalls that lead to the spawning of Grammar Abominations and Syntax Horrors.

Check back on Monday December 16th for our 2013 swan-song.

Don’t Look Back in Anger

The big wide world is a cruel and merciless place. Danger lurks around every corner, enemies behind every tree, daggers behind every word. it is not the sort of place that looks kindly upon kindness. The only way you’re going to stay alive is if you stay frosty and look out for number 1. Everyone else is doing it, it’s nothing personal, it’s just of those inalienable facts of life and there ain’t a whole lot anyone can do about things like that. Your only option is to plunge headlong into the future with no regrets and no second thoughts. Everyone has to make their own way in the world.

17 - Everybody Lives

Jala is doing just that. Without a second thought to the consequences of her little Ballroom Blitz she leaves and doesn’t look back. That girl is going to have to learn to stand on her own two feet just like everyone else, now’s as good a time as any.

Part 18 will coalesce out of the raw untempered æther on Monday 2nd of December. Once again the duties of “Dread Scribe” falls upon the shoulders of Warlock James Clayton. His dark and forbidden magic will make the air itself sing with nouns, verbs and adjectives. it is rumoured that he even has knowledge and mastery of the foul and unspeakable things we mortals call adverbs.

If you have the stomach and indomitable force of will required to face such horrors and live, then return to this place a week from today.

Give and Take

There is an inherent problem with power and strength, and specifically those who wield it. Inevitably there is always someone weaker, someone who can quite literally do nothing to stop those stronger than themselves. The strong take what they want, the weak languish. A perversity of might makes right, vae victis and its merciless friends. And why not? It’s a dog eat dog world out there. Everyone else is certainly against you, especially if you have something which could be perceived as an “edge”. A towering intellect, power over the forces of nature, a strong right arm? You need to seize every opportunity your strength affords you and to hell with anyone who gets in your way.16 - Obey Your Meister

In this particular instance we are saved from most of the complex ethical minefield that the aforementioned concept usually finds itself associated with it. This shady and slightly weaselish man almost certainly deserves exactly what he’s going to get. Jala daughter of Quyren is no gutter harlot or back-alley strumpet, her flesh to be bought and traded. No, she is a warrior of the far and distant north and up with this she will not put.

The specific unpleasantries visited upon his fragile, fleshy person will be dreamed up by the cruel and twisted mind of Andrew Blair: warlord; soldier of fortune; agitator; man with a beard. A dark and  twisted mockery of humanity whose idea of a jolly good knees up traditionally involves a dozen disembowelments, a full gross of dismemberments and a couple of murders for afters. No defenestrations though. He’s classy like that.

Part 17 will come hurtling out of the sky like a celestial thunderbolt on Monday 18th of November.

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